In Between
by the beautiful maniac
Summary: Short story. Companion piece to "Count The Seconds". Please R&R.


She lay in bed with her eyes closed, waiting for her boyfriend to fall asleep. She could feel him moving around, trying to get comfortable, but it was difficult. The air-conditioning had broken down a couple of days ago, and they were still waiting for an engineer to come out and fix it. Until then, they were both suffering in the mid summer heat.  
  
Finally, he stopped moving, apparently feeling comfortable with one of his arms draped over her. She hoped he would fall asleep quickly, and that she wouldn't wake him as she got up. She glanced over at the clock - 02:55. She knew her lover would be outside already, even though they arranged to meet at 3am. A smile came to her lips at the thought of how her lover, a man who was late for everything, was always early for their dates.  
  
She rolled on to her back, and slowly moved her boyfriend's arm onto the bed. She kept her eyes closed, and just listened to his slow, even breathing. She didn't want to get up yet, for fear she would wake him. She turned her head towards him, and opened her eyes. He was asleep. She suddenly felt like she couldn't take her eyes off him. He looked so peaceful, just lying there. Guilt built up inside her. How could she cheat on him? He was the perfect man, loving and caring, and there was nothing her wouldn't do for her. And yet here she was, planning to leave him in the middle of the night, for some fling.  
  
Except it was more than just a fling. In the months that she had been seeing her lover, she felt more alive than she ever had before. There was something about him that brought another side of her out, a side that she never knew she had. She had a wild side to her character when she was younger, but she had grown up a lot, and was more sensible now. Well, apart from when she was with him. He brought that wild side in her out, it was so much stronger than it used to be, and she struggled to maintain a sense of reason when she was with him. It was the reason they were still seeing each other, and it scared her. She had worked so hard to get that side of her character under control, but now it was back, and, what scared her even more, she liked it.  
  
She looked over at the clock again - 03:05. Now she was the one who was late. She got up and quickly glanced at her sleeping boyfriend, before heading out the door down the hallway to the stairs. Halfway down the stairs she stopped to look out the window, to see if he was there yet. It was too dark to see very far, and she knew he wouldn't come close to the house. She continued down to the back door, where she slipped on a pair of shoes before stepping outside.  
  
Once outside she shivered at the cold air biting at her skin. It was a shock to her system after the stifling heat of the house, and she made a mental note to open some windows when she went back inside. She turned and looked up at the bedroom window as she shut the back door, waiting to see if she had woken her boyfriend, but the bedroom light stayed off.  
  
As she headed down the garden, she noticed the dark cloud in the sky above. Although she wanted it to rain, to cool the air down, she hoped that it would stay dry until she got back indoors. Too busy looking up at the sky, she didn't realise she was at the end of the garden until she walked into the row of bushes where she knew her lover would be hiding. Smiling in anticipation, she started pushing her way through, and called out to him.  
  
"Jeff?"  
  
She got through the bushes, and found him sitting on the ground.  
  
"Have you been waiting long?"  
  
"About 30 minuets."  
  
"Sorry baby! I had to.."  
  
She couldn't finish her sentence, as her pulled her close and kissed her. Her mind was racing at the passion of the kiss. She felt his fingers running through her hair, and he lay down and pulled her to him. He broke off the kiss as suddenly as he started it, and she missed the feeling of his lips on hers.  
  
"Let's go back to mine."  
  
She felt herself start to say yes, and had to bite her tongue to stop herself from speaking. She looked into his eyes, and saw the hope there. She knew he wanted her to go with him, and she wanted to go to, but the last bit of self control and reason in her mind kicked in.  
  
"Don't be silly. You know I can't leave."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"You know why. What would happen if he woke up, and realised I wasn't there?"  
  
"I don't care. I need you, I love you, and I have to show you how much."  
  
"You can show me here."  
  
She saw him raise an eyebrow, and felt his hands pulling the straps of her top down. She realised what she had said, blushed, and smiled self consciously.  
  
"That's not what I meant."  
  
"It was a good idea though."  
  
It was a good idea, and part of her desperately wanted to. She wanted so badly to be with him, for the two of them to give into to their desire, and yet part of her wanted to be back upstairs in bed, warm and safe. She hadn't realised how cold she was until he pulled her close again, and she felt how warm he was. He must have noticed as well, because he pulled his jacket off and wrapped it round her, even though she told him she didn't need it.  
  
"You said one of things you loved about me was that I'm a gentleman, so stop arguing, and let me be one."  
  
That was true, it was one of the things she loved about him. Even with his multi-coloured hair, his outlandish dress sense, and his very unique outlook on life, he would always stop and hold the door open for her and the other divas, or offer to carry their bags.  
  
She moved closer to him, and put her head on his shoulder. He put his arms around her, and right then she didn't want to be anywhere else. She looked up at his face, and even though his eyes were closed, she could see something was bothering him.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
He opened his eyes and looked down at her.  
  
"I love you."  
  
"I love you too. Now tell me what's wrong."  
  
"What's wrong is I have to go home alone tonight. What's wrong is I have everything I've ever wanted in my arms right now, and yet, you're not mine. I can't go on like this, I need us to be together always. You are my soul, and without you I'm nothing."  
  
It wasn't the first time she'd been through this with him, and it wouldn't be the last. She looked at the pain on his face, and her heart felt heavy. She pulled his face down to her to kiss him.  
  
"Don't upset yourself, lover. Things are like this because they have to be. If it was easy to just pack up my stuff and leave, I would. But this is not just about you and me. For us to be together, we'd have to hurt him. For us to be together, we'd have to lose everything else, our friends. Our families. Once we'd made the decision, there would be no going back. They would be lost forever. And I don't think you could cope with that."  
  
"So what? We just stay like this?"  
  
"For now. Things will work themselves out in the end. If it's meant to be, it will be."  
  
"It's meant to be. We're meant to be."  
  
"Then just wait patiently. I know it's hard, because it's hard for me too. There are times when all I want to do is be with you, to feel your arms around me, and to hear you tell me you love me. But we have to wait."  
  
He looked down at the ground, and nodded. She seemed to have convinced him that it would all be alright, now she had to convince herself. As much as she loved Jeff, and wanted to be with him, part of her was reluctant to leave the safe, loving, caring relationship she had now with her boyfriend. She knew that the time for her to choose was coming, and she had no idea what to do. Should she stay in the safe, happy world that she had worked to so hard to create with her boyfriend, or give it all up for the passion, romance and excitement that her lover provided?  
  
She was brought out of her thoughts by her lover's voice.  
  
"Let's look for a shooting star, so that I can wish for us to be happy together."  
  
It was the little things like that, that made her heart crave him. She smiled and looked up at the sky. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a light come on in the house, and turned her head towards it. She saw her boyfriend step through the back door and out onto the patio.  
  
She turned back to her lover, and gave him back his jacket.  
  
"Jeff, I've got to go. I love you."  
  
"I love you too."  
  
He kissed her hand, and she smiled at the romantic gesture. She lent over and kissed him on the cheek, as she heard her boyfriend call to her.  
  
"Amy?"  
  
With one last look at her lover, she turned, pushed her way through the bushes, and headed back up the garden.  
  
"Over here."  
  
"What are you doing out here?" he asked her.  
  
"I couldn't sleep, and it was so hot in the house I decided to come outside and look at the stars."  
  
"Well, come back inside now, it's getting chilly and you might catch a cold."  
  
She felt the guilt start building up inside her again at Matt's concern for her well being. She felt his hand on her back as he gently guided her back inside.  
  
"Would you like me to make you some hot chocolate to warm you up before we go back to bed?"  
  
She smiled, and shook her head. He smiled back, and took her hand as he led her up the stairs.  
  
Once in the bedroom she sat on the end of the bed to take of her shoes, but Matt knelt in front of her and pulled them off her feet. His caring nature made her feel awful about what she was doing, and she felt herself start to cry. Matt looked up at her with a smile, which changed to a look of concern when he saw the tears in her eyes.  
  
"Amy, what's the matter?"  
  
"Nothing, I'm just tired."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
She nodded at him, and he smiled. She got into bed, and then watched him as he went to the window to shut the curtains. He stopped and looked out, and it seemed as if he was looking straight at where she had been sitting with Jeff only a few minuets before. Then he shut the curtains and turned back to her.  
  
"It looks like it's going to rain. Hopefully, a good storm will cool the air down."  
  
She smiled and nodded, not trusting herself to speak without starting to cry again. Matt turned the light off and got into bed beside her. Soon, he was asleep again, but she could not get to sleep to escape her thoughts.  
  
If Matt ever found out about her relationship with Jeff, he'd be devastated. She should just finish with Jeff, but things had gone too far with him, and the feelings had grown too deep. She now loved Jeff as well as Matt, and she didn't know which one she belonged with. It wasn't an easy decision to make, but soon she would have to make it. If only she knew which of the two she loved the most, but when she was with Jeff, part of her wanted to be back with Matt, and when she was with Matt part of her craved Jeff. It was as if she wasn't really with either of them completely. She was in between the two of them, and couldn't turn to either of them for help. The decision had to be hers.  
  
They were her two best friends, her two lovers, the two men she felt closest to. The two men who she shared her soul with, who meant everything to her, and she knew she meant everything to them. And yet right at that moment, after leaving the arms of one lover, and entering the arms of the other, she felt more alone than she ever had in her life. 


End file.
